


Operation: Heartstrings

by CrystalVolcheck



Category: Penguins of Madagascar
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M, Major Character Injury, Minor Character Death, Multi, Non-Consensual Body Modification, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:00:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 17,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25740985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrystalVolcheck/pseuds/CrystalVolcheck
Summary: Rewrite of "Operation: Poisoned Heart" By not taking into consideration the devotion The Penguins had to each other as a team, Blowhole had set up his downfall. Now that devotion is tested as the 1st anniversary of Blowhole's defeat looms on the horizon and revenge is long overdue. Only no one could ever be prepared by what is about to unfold. Humanized AU!
Relationships: Doris/Kowalski (Madagascar), Hans/Skipper (Madagascar), Kowalski/Rico (Madagascar), Marlene/Skipper (Madagascar)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 25





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> After a few years of playing around with the idea, I finally decided to rewrite my fic, Operation: Poisoned Heart. Originally, I was going to wait until I had the entire thing finished, but I feel that if I wait to do that I may never actually get around to posting it. I have the first two chapters done, and the third is in progress. I don't think this is going to be as long as the original in terms of chapters, but I imagine that it may end up being longer in terms of word count.
> 
> As with the original story, this is still inspired by Myde the Turk and her series of PoM humanized one-shots/drabbles from the collection called Moments with the prologue still being based loosely on 'Demise' in Chapter 4 #92.
> 
> However, I have made some major adjustments and changes to the plot overall as I have grown as a writer since publishing the first chapter of Poisoned Heart in 2011. One change is that I have blended some character elements/plot points from the Park Avenue humanizations into this fic, but that series does not need to be read to enjoy this fic. What hasn't changed is that this still contains Kico, Koris, and some mentions of past Skans/established Skilene.
> 
> With all of that being said, please enjoy! And remember to tip your fic writer (with reviews, faves, and follows)

Skipper observed his small rookery as they sat in the back of a nondescript van headed to the nearest CENTRAAL base where they would be swept away by medical. The blood on their clothes wouldn't even be dry before Alice would come swooping in with a team to collect statements and begin the debriefing process. They may have come out on top but it had been a long fight with too many near casualties for his comfort. His head was still spinning and his side ached with every breath from the hit from ChromeClaw 2.0 he had taken earlier and he couldn't begin to imagine how the others felt. Although he knew the alternative was far worse. Especially when the odds hadn't exactly been in their favor to start with making it a God-given miracle that they had made it out intact let alone alive or as close to alive as they could be at the moment.

To his right Private was slumped back against the seat with his eyes closed while blood continued to crawl across the white field wrappings around his knee. It had slowed considerably but was guaranteed to require stitches. Any bump in the road caused the youngest member to wince and Skipper was sure that something had gotten torn in the young man's shoulder during their jailbreak.

Although out of any of them he figured Kowalski, who had been the reason for the mission to start with, would have the longest recovery. Rico would be a close second but less from the physical aspect and more from a mental one. His eyes fell to the pair seated across from him and he allowed himself to feel relief at the sight of Kowalski, even as battered as the man was, returning bloodied and bruised and alive was far better than returning bloody, bruised and in a body bag.

That had been their first fear when an attack at the convention Kowalski was speaking at had been blown sky high and it had been their second fear when they learned that the bombing had been part of Blowhole's plan to capture the resident genius of the team.

Skipper silently hoped he never had to see one of his own manipulated like that again—collared like an animal and void of free will. Yet, in that same vein of thought, he was also thankful that Rico hadn't been that one Blowhole had gotten his hands on. He had forgotten what Rico was capable of, especially, when the man didn't hold back. On some level, he understood the brutal strength and raw anguish that Rico had displayed going up against Blowhole. Hell, he would've liked to get a few good licks in, but by the time he had escaped his own cell, it was all over.

A shiver ran down Skipper's spine as he recalled the sight of Blowhole's battered body in a growing pool of crimson and a trembling Rico on his knees beside Kowalski, desperately looking for a release on the device around the lieutenant's neck.

 _Nixon's Foreign Policy Blowhole had outdone himself_ Skipper thought and couldn't help but feel a rush of anger noting the bleeding wounds around Kowalski's neck and Rico's bloody and blistered hands. He was still having a hard time wrapping his mind around the lengths that Blowhole had gone to try to defeat them.

It was clear now in hindsight, that Blowhole had taken the time to study them and learn from past mistakes. Skipper didn't believe that there was a weak link in his team, rather he kept in mind that each of them while bringing a unique skill set and strength to the team, each of them also had a weakness. When they worked as a team, the weaknesses often went unseen as they filled in whatever gaps were missing from one another, but Blowhole had unraveled the ways the team worked. Had learned the Kowalski was the weakest in terms of strength and fighting ability making him the easiest to subdue.

Skipper eyed the dried blood splattered across Rico and the way he had held onto Kowalski and knew that Blowhole would have succeeded in his mission to destroy them had it not been for the one mistake in his plan. By not taking into consideration the devotion they had to each other as a team, Blowhole had set up his downfall. Rico had once lived by the rule that when it came to protecting your own, you made a point of not holding back, but when it came to protecting someone you loved? There was no holding back. A weight seemed to settle in Skipper's gut as it crossed his mind that the carnage wrought by Rico's hands had been driven by something far stronger than their credo.


	2. One

_Approx. 8 months after recovery operation and Blowhole's death_

"I have a date!" Kowalski was nearly on the verge of hysterics as he practically burst through the front door with Private trailing behind. He saw the blank look on Skipper's face and realized that he should be more specific. "With Doris! We're going out to dinner on Friday."

"What?" Skipper sputtered and nearly spilled his coffee as what Kowalski was saying finally registered in his mind. "You're saying the same Doris who has rejected you at least a hundred times before has agreed to go on a date with you?"

"If I hadn't seen it myself, I'd have a hard time believing it myself Skippa. Although, I think I'm still having a hard time believing it." Private commented as handed a few bags off to Rico who had emerged from the kitchen at the commotion.

"I'm not sure which is stranger: the fact that Doris said yes or the fact that she was in our neck of the woods, to begin with."

"What's strange about it Skipper?" Kowalski frowned at the reaction and cast a harsh glare at Rico's back as the man carried the bags into the kitchen whistling something that sounded like the Twilight Zone. It was somewhat satisfying to see Private catch up from where he was trailing behind with the rest of the bags to elbow Rico's side to make him stop. At least one of his teammates was clearly on his side and happy for him. He knew Rico would be as well, but it stung that the man he considered his best friend didn't show support.

"I think the aforenoted rejections are enough to support my case, but I find it odd that she's in Manhattan and you just happen to bump into her when she lives and works in Brooklyn," Skipper paused, eyes narrowing in suspicion, "unless—"

"We didn't go to Brooklyn to get groceries. That would just be asinine and believe me when I say it was just a happy coincidence." Kowalski cut in rolling his eyes at Skipper's paranoia. He should have known that this would have been Skipper's reaction. "We bumped into her on the metro and when I expressed that I was surprised to see her she said she was visiting some friends. This is just like the time you thought that Marlene's roommate was a spy for Blowhole."

"It's suspicious and I don't like it. Not with the anniversary of our victory over Blowhole on the horizon."

At the mention of the fallen villain, a somber tone fell over the room and Kowalski unconsciously touched his neck. The scars left there had faded into almost nothing some time ago unlike the marks left behind by the implants that had been placed along his spine. More often than not he was thankful that he could only remember the feel of the electrical impulses from the device rather than every detail of what he had done under Blowhole's control. Kowalski stood a little taller as he turned his attention back to Skipper's concern. "Blowhole isn't exactly someone we have to worry about anymore."

Skipper sighed and glanced toward the kitchen at Rico. "While Rico certainly made sure that Blowhole is no longer a direct threat we have to remember that the man still had a lot of connections-more than we realized. We know Blowhole liked to keep secrets and thanks to Hans we've learned that he kept his closest allies in the dark whenever possible. I wouldn't be surprised if one of his connections decided to make a move or was under orders to avenge him in some way in the coming weeks or months. Just the fact that there hasn't been anyone even making ripples in the water bothers me."

"I understand your concern Skipper. However, there is nothing connecting Doris to Blowhole." Kowalski did mean that because he had to admit that the lack of large scale villainous activity was unnerving to him as well. However, he had hoped that his team would be happy for him overall. After years of pining after the girl of his dreams and after giving up hope that Doris would acknowledge him as having something other than friend potential, the marine biologist has finally decided to give him a chance. Yet a part of him wasn't surprised that their leader would try to twist something as harmless as a date into some nefarious scheme.

"I mean, you can't say that it's not a little weird, Kowalski." Skipper pointed out having spent far too much of his time on this planet listening to Kowalski lament over Doris. He had hoped that Kowalski had finally gotten over her in the last year during recovery. "Not just the lack of trouble, but that you've been holding a torch for that dolphin-crazy dame for years and she has turned down your every attempt to sweep her off her feet and then out of the blue she's suddenly interested in you."

The somber mood lifted quickly as Kowalski felt the burn of anger reignite in his chest. "I find it little more than insulting that you think Doris showing interest in me has to be some elaborate plot."

"Perhaps Kowalski taking my, Marlene's, and Rico's advice merely paid off Skipper," Private called out from the kitchen. "We all told him to give Doris the space she asked for."

"That is the most logical conclusion. After I was informed that I had a problem with coming off a tad strong," Kowalski paused when he heard a short bark of laughter in the kitchen that he knew had to be Rico, "okay more than a tad strong. But after I was made aware of what should have been a glaring flaw in my plans, I decided that perhaps I needed to use a different tactic and it seems that may have worked after all. After all, Doris asked me out, Skipper."

Skipper rolled his eyes and muttered something that sounded like 'hippy dippy lunacorn garbage' before giving Kowalski his full attention again. "Look it really doesn't matter why. I don't like it. But unfortunately, there's not much I can do about it." Skipper's expression softened and then he spoke again, "just promise me that you'll make smart choices."

Kowalski snorted in amusement, "Like I would make any other type of choice Skipper."

"I'm serious solider. Love makes people seven different kinds of stupid, crazy, and dangerous. I've seen what it can make people do first hand so I mean it when I say that you need to think things through and make smart choices if things go well on your date with Doris and I'm not just talking about smart choices if she invites you in for coffee. I'm talking about making smart choices with what you say and do. Loose lips sink ships and an unlocked phone can lead to nuclear war. You have to think everything and I mean everything you say or do through and I mean really think it through because for whatever reason Doris seems to render you incapable of thinking things through."

Kowalski bristled at the accusation, "name one time—ʺ

"Because you set 'Doris' as the password for our storage levels, Ringtail and Sad Eyes broke into level 13 containing highly classified information and experimental technology ultimately resulting in thousands of dollars in damages that CENTRAAL had to pay for and I had to answer for when I got back from a mission dealing with Hans."

"Well that's hardly—ʺ Kowalski started feeling his face grow hot at the reminder that a 12-year-old figured out his security passcode.

Skipper continued, "you erased security footage to record yourself reciting a poem that you wrote for her which resulted in us losing track of the two international jewel thieves we were tracking."

At that, the embarrassment faded into anger once again, "oh, come on! I was sleep deprived when I made that video besides we caught them regardless of my minor error."

"You've been banned from the aquarium she works at." Skipper deadpanned remembering the call from Private and the migraine that had followed.

And the embarrassment was back. "That was a simple misunderstanding—"

"Marlene's still sore over the Luv-U-Lator incident." Private called out from the kitchen and seconds later Rico called out 'tattoo' to add to the growing list.

"Alright, alright, you've all thrown in your two cents." Kowalski snapped and took a moment to calm himself. The tattoo was the one example he could have gone without. He loathed it the instant he had seen it the morning after he had gotten it in a sleep-deprived and alcohol-fueled haze of multiple bad ideas. He had also loathed the smug look on Rico's face that morning because the other man had told him he'd regret it and tried to talk him out of it multiple times. He wondered why he didn't listen to Rico more often. He supposed he had over the last few months, after all, Rico had been the one to help him through the fall out of being modified with consent and was the one person on the team who seemed to understand exactly how his mind worked. "I suppose that I have to admit that I don't have the best track record in terms of decisions when it comes to Doris although I will argue that some of your evidence isn't exactly fair especially delivered without context."

Skipper shrugged, "I'll give you that, but I believe my point still stands."

"Well, I'm afraid that your point isn't exactly backed by solid evidence, just your outstanding paranoia." At his response, Skipper's smug expression fell briefly before it hardened into something unreadable and his blue eyes had Kowalski feeling like he was a specimen pinned to the dish.

"I remember what happened to Manfredi and Johnson," Skipper started to say his cold glare never lessening, "when they fell hard for those two sisters. They lost their hearts, along with 15 feet of intestine, but continued with the mission as if nothing happened. **You** broke down sobbing when Doris was halfway through giving you the 'let's just be friends' talk. So, if you want to call it paranoia you can, but I consider it concern."

Kowalski's throat tightened, "understood, sir."


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kowalski and Doris's first date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've ever read Operation Poisoned Heart, this is where you will really see a hard reset of the story start to occur. Not just with plot points but also with characterization. OPH didn't have a good set up for Kico, Kowalski was less oblivious and more of a jerk for no apparent reason so I'm hoping that this chapter of Heartstrings begins to correct that.
> 
> Enjoy!

"Why did I agree to go on this date?" Kowalski asked himself as he struggled with his tie. For all he had dared to dream about going on a date with Doris now that it was actually happening he was second guessing everything. He wasn't even sure what they could possibly talk about, they had had brief conversations on biology and chemistry, but that didn't seem suitable for a date. "What do you even talk about on a date?"

"You okay?" Rico asked despite knowing that Kowalski was not okay if the mangled tie was anything to go by. Or the fact that he clearly had been caught talking to himself a clear give away that anxiety was getting the better of the genius.

"Ugh, no. I'm starting to think tonight is going to be a dumpster fire," Kowalski said and gave up on his tie. "I haven't been on a proper date in years."

"Eva?" Rico asked knowing that something had occurred the last time they had run into North Wind roughly a year and half ago.

"That was less of a date and more of an alcohol fueled hook up with a lot of regret the next morning," Kowalski winced both at the reminder and the way Rico wrinkled his nose at the comment. "I already know to skip the wine at dinner. I'm just worried I won't know what to do or say. Plus what if Skipper is right, in the sense that this date is part of some plan for Doris to humiliate me? I wouldn't blame her either, I mean, I've certainly put Doris in some awkward situations. She nearly lost her job because of me once. I know it would make me look like an asshole, but I'd probably be better off canceling the whole thing. What to do I even have to offer anyway?"

Rico shook his head in disagreement and approached Kowalski to undo the mess of a knot that the genius had created. He wasn't surprised to hear Kowalski berating himself; the genius swung between having an ego the size of the room to a self-esteem that would shatter if you so much as glanced in his direction. As he began going through the motions to make a decent knot in the tie he started listing off things that Doris would like about him. "You're smart. Funny. Kinda a dork, but, " Rico paused for a moment as he finished the knot and as he pulled it snug against Kowalski's throat he looked up and met the older man's eyes, " handsome."

Kowalski felt his throat grow tight and looked away, unable to shake the feeling that Rico was wholly sincere in what he was saying. Yet, he had to remind himself that Rico had flirted with him as a joke many times before and chalked the fluttering in this stomach up to nerves. "I mean it Rico, what if Doris doesn't like me?"

"Her loss," Rico said with a small smile as he straightened the length of the tie before stepping back to admire his work. Even though it was still clear to anyone that knew Kowalski that he was a bundle of nerves, he looked, "perfect. Doris would be stupid not to like you."

A smile broke out across Kowalski's face. He touched his tie and felt a rush of gratitude as his nerves settled. "Thank you."

Of course, the calm didn't last and Kowalski panicked the second he saw Doris. He was certain that she thought he was a bumbling idiot and only remained at the table out of pity. Especially after a mostly silent dinner that was peppered with awkward small talk to catch up on what was going on in their lives. Many things on her end he already knew and from his end it was almost all classified.

"There's no reason to be so nervous, Kowalski, I don't bite,well at least not without consent" Doris playfully winked before reaching across the table to place one of her hands over his. Their plates had long since been swept away. "I'm guessing you don't do this a lot." Her voice was softer this time, "date, I mean."

"I was hoping it wasn't that obvious." Kowalski looked down and just knew that his ears were turning red in embarrassment. It felt like some of his worst fears about the date were starting to come true. He wasn't sure why he seemed incapable of talking to a woman without making things awkward or embarrassing himself. "I mean, it's not like I haven't dated before, but to say it's been a while is an understatement." Two years was less like a while and more like an eternity.

Doris nodded in understanding. "If it makes you feel better, it's been a while for me as well. A few years at least. I just hope you haven't been holding out for me all that time."

Kowalski chuckled at the teasing tone in Doris's voice and felt himself relax slightly- a nagging voice in the back of mind that sounded annoyingly like Skipper kept chiming in that there was no way Doris hadn't dated in years. "No, well not entirely, for some time I was focusing on my own research and then other things," he resisted the urge to touch his neck, " life, got in the way."

"Trust me, I understand how that works." Doris met Kowalski's curious gaze before continuing. "I feel like one thing I need to make clear tonight is that I have always liked you."

"Really?" Kowalski couldn't hold back the tone of surprise in his voice.

Doris laughed lightly, her green eyes sparkling, "Yes! I mean sure you came on a bit strong a few times, but I admire how passionate and determined you are when it comes to things you care about. Plus it's not often I meet someone that stimulates my...scientific intellect. It was just that I was trying to get through graduate school and I didn't want any distractions. Not when my brother had sacrificed so much for me to get an education to begin with."

"I didn't realize you had a brother." Kowalski couldn't recall it ever coming up in conversation before. Although he wasn't sure if he had ever given Doris the chance to share such a detail about herself.

"He practically raised me," Doris took her hand off Kowalski's and touched the silver dolphin pendant resting just below her collarbone. "After our parents died, he gave up his opportunity to study marine biology and took a miserable job at a water park to make sure we could stay together."

"That's quite admirable of him. I imagine that you two are very close then?" As soon as he asked the question he regretted it seeing a sadness sweep over Doris's features.

"We were," Doris explained, "he passed away some time ago."

"I'm sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to imagine what that must be like. The closest thing to having any family would be my teammates and I know I'd be devastated if something happened to one of them. " That was potentially an understatement on Kowalski's part. He wasn't sure if there was ever an accurate word to describe the agony of losing a brother in arms like when they thought they had lost Private to Dr. Brine's Medusa Serum.

"Thank you. Some days it's still hard to believe he's gone even though we weren't as close once I started working at the aquarium. Once that happened, he was able to start pursuing his own goals. Unfortunately, that meant that both of us were always too busy working on some project or research or goal to properly stay in touch. We always were talking about making plans to see each other and catch up. In fact, I hadn't seen him in person for over three years and then a few months ago after I got back from a research trip, I found out that he had been in a fatal accident. When things like that happen your whole perspective changes on what is and isn't important."

Kowalski leaned forward and took Dori's hand, feeling like he was finally starting to understand why he had always felt a connection to her. "Doris, I'm so sorry, that must have been very difficult for you."

Doris smiled at Kowalski from across the table, brushing her bangs out of her eyes. "It was, but I think I've grown as a result. I mean, that's really what it comes down to in life. You either fight, adapt, and survive or you give up and let life pass you by." She stopped for a moment and looked abashed by her comment, "I realize that sounds harsh."

"It does," Kowalski agreed, feeling the last of his nerves evaporating. "However, I had a similar epiphany when my mother passed. I was quite young when it happened, but my father," Kowalski hesitated for a moment searching for the right words, "wasn't in the best state mentally or emotionally to be raising a child. I had to adapt and survive for years on my own, it wasn't easy, but I believe it is something that made me stronger overall."

Doris blinked back tears, "I wasn't really expecting you to be so understanding on that front. Actually, I wasn't expecting to be so open tonight- you're just so easy to talk to."

"I have to say the same. You know I was so worried about what I was going to say earlier, although I think our dinner proved that, but with you it's easy."

"I know this is going to sound silly, given our elevated understanding of the natural world, but I feel like this," Doris gestured between the two of them, "was meant to be. Like I've always felt some connection to you for the longest time I thought it was because we're people of science, but it seems like it goes much deeper than that."

"I feel the same way."

Doris bit her lower lip and leaned forward in her seat, "I'm hoping I'm not being too forward when I ask this, but how'd you like to skip desert and come back to my place for coffee?"

"Oh! Um," Kowalski floundered for a moment, his mind going to the small scars that now littered his body and conflicting with the earlier memory of Rico calling him handsome.

"And it can be literally just coffee," Doris was quick to correct, " if _coffee_ would be too much for a first date or if I have completely misread the evening."

"No, I was just a bit surprised. I'd love to continue our conversation over coffee."


	4. Chapter 3

Kowalski internally winced at the time as he checked his phone just outside the door of HQ. There would be no sneaking in at this point, Skipper and Rico would already be up and he knew the second he opened that door the teasing would begin. Normally he wouldn't mind some playful comradery after being out the whole night, but given that coffee with Doris turned out to be literally coffee, or in actuality tea, in the morning he wasn't in the mood for any walk of shame comments.

Just as predicted, the second the door opened he could hear the whoops and hollers from the other three.

"So, is there going to be a second date or did you finally get Doris out of your system?" Skipper asked with a knowing smirk.

"There's going to be a second date." Kowalski was happy to respond, only mildly surprised that Skipper hadn't cracked a joke at his expense. Although the fact that Skipper had slid two tens across the table toward Rico and Private did not go unnoticed.

Private spoke up next. "That's really great, Kowalski. I'm guessing everything went well then?"

"It must have if the Walk of Shame is anything to go by," Skipper chimed in before turning his attention back to Kowalski with a predatory grin. "I hope you saved something for the third date."

"Haha, Skipper. I'll have you know that I was the perfect gentleman and nothing happened that would have belonged on a third-" Kowalski froze mid-sentence as he caught Private sliding the ten he got from Skipper towards Rico. "Did you seriously make a bet on whether or not I'd have intercourse with Doris on the first date?"

Private at least had the decency to look ashamed while Rico answered with a "Yup" as Skipper handed over another ten.

"Why?" Kowalski was floored by the notion. "I mean, Skipper doesn't surprise me, Private can't resist a bet, but you? Eu tu, Rico? I haven't even had any coffee to deal with this."

The man in question merely shrugged and then pocketed the money as he stood and disappeared into the kitchen.

"Unbelievable," Kowalski grumbled, suddenly wishing that they had teased him instead.

"It's all in good fun, Kowalski. Although I do find it a bit unbelievable that you're going to see Doris again."

"Believe it, Skipper. Last night went swimmingly, I mean I have never felt a connection with someone like that before." Kowalski practically swooned as Rico returned with a cup of coffee and slid it across the table to him. Doris was many things, but a regular coffee drinker she was not and earl grey was a poor substitute. "It's like we were two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom coming together to form a perfect covalent bond."

Skipper huffed into his coffee, "that seems a bit suspicious for a first date."

"Soulmates or love, at first sight, isn't real. You and Lola certainly proved that" it didn't escape Kowalski that bringing up Skipper's ex-wife would draw some metaphorical blood, "but chemistry is real and there is something to be said for feeling a deep connection to someone."

"Watch it, Kowalski," Skipper warned, even if it had been years, Lola remained a painful subject. "One date doesn't make you an expert in love and relationships."

"I never claimed I was one," Kowalski held his hands up in mock surrender as he approached the table and took the seat next to Private. "It's just that I've always felt a connection to Doris and last night I learned that she felt that same connection. In fact, she actually was interested in pursuing a relationship with me before, but wanted to focus on her education."

"I guess I could buy that. Did she finish whatever degree she was working on?"

"Not quite, she is still working on her doctorate, but-" Kowalski hesitated just knowing that the wrong bit of information would trigger Skipper's paranoia. It was clear the man was already digging for something. "Once she saw her friends getting married and having children, she didn't want to put part of her life on hold anymore."

"It sounds like she's looking for something serious." Private suddenly chimed in sensing the growing animosity between Skipper and Kowalski.

"She is," Kowalski agreed, "but I am too."

Skipper nearly choked on his coffee and threw a glance at Rico and Private to see if they were as thrown by the statement as he was. If the open-mouthed stares coming from the two were any indication, they certainly were.

"Really?" Private voiced the question first.

Kowalski hummed thoughtfully and took a drink of coffee before answering. He supposed it was better to tell them his thoughts on the matter in terms of looking to the future. "Yes. I thought that settling down could ever be an option for me, but Doris makes me think I could have a shot at it."

Private cast a worried look at Skipper before pressing further, "Isn't it a little early to be thinking about that? I mean you've been on one date."

"I've actually been thinking about this since Blowhole. I'm lucky to be alive and even luckier to not have ended up paralyzed, but what if I'm not so lucky the next time something happens? I'm not getting any younger and what do I have to show for it? I want to settle down eventually and what if Doris is my only shot?" Kowalski lamented. All his life he just wanted just the smallest sliver of normal and settling down with a girl seemed to be his last and only chance. "Isn't that what you're supposed to do anyway? Find a nice woman to spend the rest of your life with? Who understands you and accepts you for who you are? I know it's the running joke that I can't get a date, but I've really never had a serious relationship before."

Skipper sighed feeling torn between wanting to protect a member of his team and wanting them to be happy. Especially when he looked over at Rico and saw the clear devastation flicker across his face. The job they had was tough and he couldn't fault anyone of his men for wanting to find a companion and eventually get out of the life they had. Although more often than not you ended up finding someone who could understand the job because there really wasn't any getting out. Not even death had managed to get Johnson and Manfredi out. After another tense moment Skipper made his decision, "If you really feel that strongly about this then I'll back down on Doris's sudden interest in you."

"Really?"

"I still don't like it, but every man deserves a shot at finding happiness. However, if you're going to continue seeing her, then it can't interfere with our operations. "

Before Kowalski could respond the sound of a chair being violently shoved back caused him to jump. "Rico?" he asked but the question fell on deaf ears and he watched in confusion as the man stood and practically fled up the stairs with his phone in hand.

"Don't worry about it Marlene has been wanting him to do some art thing and since he's finally agreed it's been stressing him out," Skipper waved the incident off with a half-truth and fought to ignore the sharp pull of his gut.

Kowalski hummed in thought, recalling how Rico had taken to his studio more often in the last few months. "I didn't think Rico was one to get stressed about something like that."

"I don't get it. Marlene said it's just a natural reaction to knowing that dozens of strangers are going to be looking at the very depths of your soul or some garbage like that." Skipper shrugged but shared a look with Private that sent the younger man off on a mission to check on Rico. Even if there was a strong possibility that Marlene had merely reached out over the project, Rico's reaction didn't sit right with him.


	5. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kowalski and Rico have a super straight totally hetero bro moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All aboard the angst train! This is going to get worse before it gets better. Also, I like to think that Kowalski is a good mix of oblivious and struggling with heteronormative expectations in this chapter. I've been trying to highlight that a lot of Kowalski's decisions are based on what he thinks he's supposed to do in regards to his desire to feel normal.
> 
> Finally, the song lyrics mentioned at the very end of the chapter come from Pray (Put Em In the Dirt) by Hollywood Undead.

"I can't believe I'm going to do this," Kowalski muttered outside of Rico's studio, his stomach twisting with dread. He knocked first, but decided that Rico probably wouldn't hear him over the music and entered the room anyway nearly walking into a stack of canvases by the door.

"Sup," Rico asked as he descended the ladder he had been on to finish hanging the last plastic sheet along the wall that he had deemed the splash zone.

"If you're busy, I can come back later," Kowalski offered, eyeing the new set up and cans of spray paint and open paint cans lined up on the table.

"Nah," Rico grinned and turned down the volume on the stereo, "I got time."

"Are you sure? It looks like you're in the middle of something important."

Rico merely shrugged, "haven't started."

"Oh, okay then." Kowalski felt his anxiety increase 10 fold because as much as he had wanted to talk to someone about the issue he had developed, he wasn't sure if he'd get through talking about it without being humiliated. "I'll try to make it quick, but I'm not sure how to even say it, but it does involve my relationship with Doris."

Receiving only a raised eyebrow in return, Kowalski opted to get it over with, like pulling a bandaid off. "I have a date with Doris tonight and things have been going really, really well...except in _one_ department. Our last two dates have been rather erotically charged and It's not as if we haven't been able to have any level of intimacy," Kowalski recalled the last few attempts that had left at least one of them satisfied. "However, they've ended up in disaster because I'm worried about what will happen when Doris sees me and all the scars I have. Even over clothes if Doris gets too close to any of the ones from Blowhole, I freeze up."

Rico nodded in understanding, his own hand coming up to subconsciously rub at this chest, even under the fabric of the shirt he could make out every detail of the scar underneath. He was starting to see why Kowalski had come to him over the issue. "Does she know?"

"I mean, I've told her that I have scarring from my line of work and she says she's okay with that. That its a sign that I've survived, but to say I freeze up was an understatement," Kowalski continued, hot shame washing over him. "The other week Doris put her arms around my neck and I had a panic attack. All she did was brush against that one scar on my neck and I left like it was Blowhole all over again. Having scars didn't bother me before, but these are-"

"Different?" Scars were commonplace in their jobs, but there was a difference between getting shot or carved up like a turkey in a knife fight compared to being dissected and/or modified against your will.

"Exactly. How do you get over that?"

"You don't," Rico answered honestly even though he knew it wasn't what Kowalski was hoping to hear.

"But haven't you been intimate with someone since," Kowalski made a vague gesture to his own chest. Finding it hard to believe that Rico hadn't been intimate with someone for almost a decade. "I mean wasn't there that woman in Guatemala?"

"And Julien," Rico confirmed with a chuckle and crossed the room to where Kowalski was standing, looking more confused than before.

Kowalski frowned, he knew that Rico wasn't very open when it came to the scar dividing his chest, but surely it couldn't bother him so much if he had intimate relationships. "Then how did you not get over it?"

"Trust," Rico replied easily. "I have to trust the person I'm with or else…" he trailed off and mined a train going off the tracks.

"That does make sense." Kowalski frowned for a moment, thinking. Doris hadn't shown any ill intention toward him so logically she could be trusted and he did trust her for that reason. "But I do trust Doris."

"Real trust takes time," Rico shrugged unsure of what else he could say because even if someone hadn't hurt you, it didn't mean that you wholly trust them. It was like there were different degrees and levels of trust for different situations. Then it occurred to him that he could demonstrate what he meant rather than try to explain it. "Do you trust me?"

"With my life," Kowalski replied automatically. "Why?"

"Close your eyes," Rico instructed and hoped that his demonstration wouldn't get him punched in the face.

Kowalski compiled after giving Rico one last suspicious glare. "I'm not sure what point you're trying to - oh," Kowalski shivered at the feeling of fingers barely brushing against the most prominent scar on the back of his neck, the weight resting on the crook of his neck and shoulders comforting rather than suffocating. With his eyes closed he could focus on the warmth radiating from the body in front of him and he could almost imagine that it was Doris. Almost. One of the hands moved to cup his jaw while the other slid down the center of his back. He instinctively stepped closer and found his hands against a broad muscular chest. Through the thin fabric he could feel part of the raised Y shaped scar on Rico's chest and he could smell the spices from the soap he used.

It occurred to him in the back of his mind that he hadn't touched Rico's scar before in any context and something about this moment was momentous. Rico's nose bumped against his and Kowalski had an overwhelming urge to close the remaining space between them, especially as he felt Rico's breath ghosted across his face. He leaned closer, anticipating the first brush of lips against his and then it was gone.

Kowalski opened his eyes and tried to ignore the sting of disappointment which was quickly replaced by a burning shame and he was glad that Rico had put distance between them once more. A part of him was angry that Rico's touch had invoked such a reaction in him whereas Doris's could not, but ultimately he understood what point Rico had been trying to make. He _knew_ Rico where he didn't know Doris. At least not well enough for some primitive part of his brain to accept that she wasn't a threat.

"Was that okay?" Rico asked, pulling Kowalski from his thoughts.

"More than and also unexpected, but I understand what you were trying to do. I trust Doris, but that trust isn't strong enough yet." Now that he had his wits about him once more, Kowalski recalled how long it had taken Rico to stop flinching every time someone looked at him, let alone allow anyone to get near him. And to learn that years later he still struggled with the idea of letting someone be close to him physically was eye-opening. "I guess, it's just frustrating since it's only been a few weeks but I feel like Doris could be the one for me and she's going to be leaving on a research trip in three weeks. I can't shake the feeling that I'm running out of time with someone important in my life."

"You sound like Skipper," Rico teased but understood what Kowalski meant. His brief relationship with Julien had been similar in that regard. At the beginning they couldn't get enough of being around each other then faded into something platonic when it became apparent that they were both still carrying a torch for someone else. Although he was certain that wasn't the case for Kowalski and Doris.

"I guess I did, didn't I?" Kowalski laughed humorlessly. "I should probably stop trying to jam an entire relationship into a three week window."

"Probably."

Kowalski glanced at the clock and realized that he needed to get ready to meet Doris, but he felt reluctant to leave. "I need to start getting ready, but thank you, Rico. I don't think I could ever find a way to pay you back for all the things you've done for me."

"Just be happy," Rico replied with a soft smile. It lasted only long enough for Kowalski to close the door behind him before something seemed to break inside. He turned the volume back up on the stereo and let the music wash over him before grabbing the open can of red paint and hurling it at the canvas surrounded by plastic.

" _Let me tell you a story, it's about a little kid/Who never really understood much of anything he did/He had a chest full of heart and a body full of scars/In a broke down palace on a broken boulevard"_


	6. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have pretty much every chapter outlined, unfortunately between work and grad classes I have very little time to write so it will be some time before I can get more chapters out. Thank you to everyone who has been reading and leaving comments and kudos, I have no plans to leave this story unfinished.

"Are you sure it isn't too short notice?" Marlene asked Skipper as they walked the currently closed lower east wing of the gallery. “Normally, I wouldn’t have asked even with the gala next weekend, but after that letter came in—”Malene trailed off already having expressed her concern about the letter warning them to  _ keep an eye on what is valued or risk losing it _ . 

"Of course not." Skipper surveyed the area with interest, with the gala it would be easy for anyone to slip into the closed area. There weren't many pieces up though as Marlene explained they were in the process of packing up the previous exhibit and making adjustments to the final layout for next. He sent a quick text to Private to look into their files for anyone who would target the gallery. Even if they hadn’t talked about it in detail many of them were iching to get back to work and CENTRAAL was still hesitant to send any assignments their way. "In fact, this will be a welcome distraction for everyone."

"And by everyone you mean Kowalski?" Marlene guessed, fully aware of the fact that Kowalski had been driving everyone up the wall. Private had even asked the other week if he could join “Girl’s Night” just for an additional opportunity to get away from Kowalski’s love sick sighs whenever he came across something that reminded him of her. 

Skipper pinched the bridge of his nose, a headache forming at the mere mention of his second in command, "Doris's research trip can't come fast enough."

Marlene shook her head at Skipper's remark as they walked toward the doors to leave the currently closed wing. "I think it's sweet that he wants to spend so much time with her before she leaves,” she chastised gently as they made their way to her office. She only needed to grab her bags from her office and write a reminder to inform the Head Curator that additional security for the upcoming show had been found in addition to a private investigation into the note.

"I wouldn't care if it wasn't starting to affect his work. Did you know that last week was the first time in almost ten years Kowalski's failed to prepare and submit his quarterly expense report? I mean I’ve seen Kowalski pretty far gone on a gal,” Skipper responded recalling how Eva had left Kowalski speechless or unable to string a coherent sentence together at best, “but this is a whole other level.”

"Lighten up, Skipper,” Marlene remarked as they entered her office and she went straight to her desk and began to scribble a note for tomorrow. “He's just caught up in the honeymoon phase."

Skipper huffed at the reminder. “Yeah, well even when Rico and Julien were in their honeymoon phase, Rico didn’t fall behind on his duties.”

“Rico didn't have to worry about Julien jumping on a boat for three months. Besides, isn't this Kowalski's first serious relationship?" Marlene finished her note and looked up at Skipper who shifted under her unwavering gaze. They both knew that she knew something more was bothering him and she would get it out of him. 

“It is," Skipper answered followed by a sigh. "And I'll be honest that's part of why I'm not too keen on it."

"Skipper,” Marlene spoke soft and low as if speaking to a child, “you can't ask him to not have a relationship with someone." 

"I know that,” Skipper snapped and rolled his eyes. If he had learned anything from Rico and Julien’s relationship about relationships it was that. He took a deep breath and exhaled before explaining what he meant by not being keen on Kowalski and Doris’s relationship. “I just can't shake this feeling that something isn't right."

"One of your gut instincts?" Marlene teased. "Look Skipper, I understand that you just don't want to see any of them hurt-"

"I think that ship has long since sailed."

Now it was her turn to roll her eyes. "You know what I mean."

"Marlene, I've been in this game for a long time and my gut instinct has never steered me wrong before." Skipper frowned, "I just know something about this whole Doris thing is going to turn sour."

Marlene hummed in thought. It was true that Skipper's gut instincts had a good track record, but those instincts also had a tendency to push his paranoia into overdrive. She could argue that point and cite several instances where that had occurred including the time poor Rico was nearly court martialed over Private's determination to get a date with an ER nurse. Instead she glanced at the note she had written and opted to give him a way out. "Are you sure about running extra security for the show next week? We can always pull some of the day shift for overtime."

Skipper's frown deepened as he thought about how the team dynamics had already shifted, revealing cracks in their foundation. "Like I said, it would make for a good distraction. It would also make for an easy mission to get everyone back into the feel of things. Although I might have Rico sit out- he doesn’t blend in well when it comes to black tie missions.”

Marlene chuckled at the understatement. Not that Rico didn't clean up nicely, but with his mohawk, scars, and piercings he was better suited for undercover work on the streets. “Speaking of Rico, on our way back from dinner do you think we could stop in for a minute so I could see where he’s at with the project?” She asked as she slipped her bag over her shoulder. "I've been kinda worried that this project may do more harm than good for him."

"I wouldn't worry about it, it's how he deals with things anyway. At least how he deals with the things he can't blow up or burn," Skipper shrugged.Although he would have to admit that the red paint splattered across the wall had been alarming at a glance. However, he wasn’t about to go into more detail about what he had seen walking past Rico’s work space, not when Marlene would roll into a whole bit about art revealing the inner workings of an artist’s soul. "But we can stop if you want, it gives me a chance to see if Kowalski got his paperwork caught up."

“Skipper, I know you’re worried about him and that’s sweet,” Marlene smiled softly and placed a hand in his cheek. “But one of them was always going to think about leaving the flock someday. Kowalski went through a lot last year. You can’t blame him for wanting to get out of the line of work you guys do. Let him enjoy what he has... just in case he doesn’t get out.”

Skipper placed his hand over Marlene’s as he felt guilt building in his chest. They had had a similar conversation about their own relationship a little less than a year ago. Less of a conversation and more of a screaming match between the two of them. It was difficult to maintain a relationship in his line of duty and Marlene had known that when they first started talking about the possibility of starting one. Even if they had come to an understanding, it was a delicate one as they both knew that Skipper had no chance of ever getting out of CENTRAAL. 

“Well, I suppose if any of them have a shot at getting out, it would be Kowalski. I want to be happy for him, but it's hard when it feels like the team is falling apart. ”

“You guys have been through so much and you’ve always come out with a stronger bond than you had before.” Marlene reassured thinking back on the last year alone. She was certain there was nothing that the Penguins couldn’t come back from. 

“Thank you,” Skipper gave Marlene’s hand a gentle squeeze before they parted and made their exit from the building.

The conversation was relatively light as they walked to HQ having decided that they could check in with the team, drop Marlene's stuff off, and then go out for dinner. Although in reality they'd probably stay in at Marlene's and order takeout since they opted to cut through part of Central Park. 

They were just drawing near the zoo when they heard a familiar shrill laughter. Marlene glanced at Skipper and saw that he had gone into “commander mode” as she had dubbed it. For a moment she wondered if they had misheard something until the laughter rippled through the air again. 

“Was that—” Marlene trailed off as Skipper tensed, brows furrowed in anger.

Not a second later Skipper practically growled, “Doris.” He could see her and on one of the walking paths across from them, just far enough ahead that wouldn’t notice them. 

“Skipper, calm down.” Marlene placed a hand on his arm hoping that it would be enough to prevent him from charging over. “Maybe Kowalski got the paperwork done early, let him have his fun,” she suggested now worried that her boyfriend would pop a blood vessel with how tightly he was clenching his jaw.

“I guess we’ll find out,” Skipper shrugged off Marlene’s hand and pulled his phone out. He pulled up Kowalski’s number and hit send. 

Across from them Kowalski and Doris froze on the path and they watched as Kowalski answered the phone after a moment of hesitation, but Skipper could be patient when it was required. 

_ “Skipper?” _

“Kowalski, just figured I’d check in to see where you were with that paperwork Alice has been after and have you put it on the calendar not to make any plans next weekend.”

_ “Oh! The paperwork is coming along. I don’t think it’ll take much longer, perhaps an hour or so.” _

“That’s good. Marlene and I are going to cut through the park and were planning to stop in and see how everything was going. If you’re going to be done soon, maybe we can do a take out night or order pizza.”

_ “That sounds great, but.... Tesla’s coils! I just realized that I'm missing several crucial forms and statements. There’s no need for you to stop in, I’m going to be working on forms and Rico and Private are off doing their own things.” _

“That’s a shame Kowalski,” Skipper started fully knowing that the panic in Kowalski’s voice wasn’t over a few missing papers. He could call him out, tell Kowalski to turn around, but there was a sliver of a chance that Kowalski had actually completed his paperwork and was hoping to sneak Doris into HQ for the night. He needed more proof even if his gut was telling him that Kowalski had gone against orders and opted to say, “Make sure those forms are in full triplicate or Alice will have both our asses.”

_ “Of course, sir.” _

Before Skipper could get a word in, the call ended and he watched Kowalski put his phone away and turned his attention to Doris once more. He watched with seething anger as the two talked for a minute before continuing on their walk.

“Skipper?” Marlene asked in concern as Skipper sent a text to the one person on the team that was incapable of lying to him. 

“I’m going to kill him, but I need to make sure it’s justified first,” he responded as he waited for those three dots to solidify into an answer. 

“You think he lied?”

“I know he did,” Skipper corrected as his phone buzzed twice in quick succession. 

Of course, Rico went above and beyond a simple yes or no and a picture of the desk in Kowalski’s lab appeared. All of the documents and forms were still stacked exactly where Skipper had left them and the second picture of forms spread across the desk confirmed what he already knew. Each and every one was blank and the fact that Private’s watch was next to the forms confirming the date and time made it the damning evidence Skipper needed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Private totally has an apple watch with a custom lunacorn band and I imagine Rico is a texter given how he doesn't exactly talk like the others in canon.


	7. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, this one is going to hurt

"Do you really think we all need to be there for this operation?" Kowalski asked again, reluctant to prepare for the mission. He had been holding out on telling Doris that he hadn't been able to persuade Skipper to let him off. "Especially if we're additional security as that implies there is already security prepared to deal with a threat."

Skipper replied with a biting, "Canceling one date with Doris isn't going to kill you."

Part of Kowalski believed that Skipper was still trying to punish him for going out with Doris instead of finishing his reports. It was unfair that Skipper failed to see how difficult the additional distance would make his relationship with Doris. Of course, Kowalski had hoped that he and Doris would finally be able to have an intimate night together since they had yet to manage to have one that satisfied both of them (not that he would dare share those details with Skipper). "But this is the last weekend we can spend together—"

"You see her when she gets back." Skipper still didn't bother to look up from the document he was reading. Not even the best of CENTRAAL had been able to trace the email sent to the gallery to a solid source, it had been bounced around far too many times to get an accurate sender and it hadn't sat right with him. Cecil and Brick were far from being the type of criminal masterminds that could pull such a thing off.

"It's not that simple, Skipper," Kowalski started trying to get his commanding officer to understand why tonight had been so important. "She'll be gone for three months and we'll have no way of staying in touch with one another. Can't you imagine the type of strain that's going to put on our newly developed relationship? Think about when that happened to you and Lo—"

Finally, Skipper broke and slammed his hands down on the table as he stood, the report falling to the floor. "It is that simple, Kowalski. And don't you dare bring any of my relationships into this. It's part of the job so if you're that worried about one night of going without seeing a girlfriend will end a relationship you can send in your resignation after tonight."

For a moment Kowalski was speechless even though he wanted to argue that it wasn't the one night he was worried about, but rather that Doris would forget him during her three months away. Yet, knew he was dismissed by the tone of Skipper's voice and there was no point in arguing further. "I'll consider that, sir," he replied before he made his way upstairs to get ready for the assignment.

He pulled his phone out after closing his bedroom door and sent a message to Doris with a heavy heart. She had been understanding when he had told her that he may not be able to make it to dinner, but now he worried that it wouldn't be the case now.

_I want to apologize in advance for having to cancel our dinner plans tonight._

A few minutes passed with no reply and Kowalski set his phone down again and continued to get dressed. He could feel his stomach twisting with anxiety. Hopefully, Doris wasn't angry with him since it was the first time he had to cancel a date. Although he had explained to Doris that his line of work could be demanding and incredibly short notice, especially with someone like Skipper in charge. Something that he had explained in length in the aftermath of getting caught sneaking out the other week (not that he regretted it). In fact, he would happily go against orders again for Doris and had said as much to both Skipper and Rico on separate occasions (Skipper during the initial confrontation and Rico after learning who had ratted him out).

He had just finished buttoning his shirt when he heard the soft chirp of his phone.

**Cancel? I'm guessing you couldn't get out of work tonight :,(**

_I tried, but Skipper won't budge on this. He's convinced that the art gallery needs the extra security tonight._

Kowalski set his phone down and turned to his closet, eyeing the small variety of dress shirts and suits that he had acquired over the years. He knew it would be better to go with a classic black-tie look although Skipper didn't exactly specify how they were supposed to be blending in at the event. Another ping drew Kowalski's attention away from his wardrobe.

**Extra security? Doesn't that mean there are already security measures in place?**

_That's exactly what I said. Believe me, when I say trying to get through to him is like trying to get through a brick wall using a plastic spoon. I need to get ready, but I'll text you when I get back and I promise I'll find some way to make this up to you._

**Love you 3**

A small smile tugged at Kowalski's lips and he couldn't help but feel thankful to have Doris in his life. He was about to reply when he heard Skipper call for them to get moving. It would have to wait until the mission was finished, not wanting to incur Skipper's wrath for a second time that night.

"Kowalski, it's nice of you to finally join us. Are you ready to go or do you need a few minutes to make sure you're finished preening?"

"Very funny, Skipper, but I think you're forgetting that our resident vanity-hog hasn't made his appearance yet."

"Rico won't be joining us on this mission."

Kowalski felt his pulse quicken, "what do you mean Rico won't be joining us?"

"I mean Rico is not part of the mission tonight." Skipper's voice was sharp with an underlying warning.

"So Rico gets to take the night off and I have to go on a bullshit mission instead of getting to keep my dinner plans with my girlfriend who is going to be on a research trip for 3 months?"

"He's on Ringtail duty and I'd hardly consider that a night off." Skipper checked his watch and then met Kowalski's cold glare, "Is there a problem with that decision?"

Kowalski bit his tongue to refrain from snapping that it was practically a vacation given that Rico and Julien had been in a relationship not long ago. Suddenly he was unable to shake the feeling that Rico was getting rewarded for ratting him out the other week and found himself glad that Rico wasn't coming along. Finally, he managed to choke out, "No, sir."

"Let's rollout."

Nearly two hours later found Kowalski stewing over the night's events as he did another sweep around the perimeter of the closed wing. He wasn't sure how he had gotten stuck with that particular duty while Skipper worked the main floor and schmoozed with Marlene. His only solace had been texting Doris, but it had been well over an hour since he had heard from her and he supposed that she had several long flights ahead of her tomorrow.

He scrolled through the last few texts, worried that he had ranted too much about Rico not having to work as security or if he had instead scared her off by talking about leaving the field or resigning from CENTRAAL all together. He sent another text hoping to do some damage control.

_I hope I didn't scare you off when I mentioned settling down and leaving the field when you come back. But I do love you and I really can see us having a future together, it's just something that we could think about when you get back from your trip. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me._

He read the message again and forced himself to put his phone away. The message seemed ingenuine but he couldn't quite place why it felt that way. For not the first time that night, he thought that having to be alone with his thoughts was the real punishment rather than not getting to see Doris. . He supposed it could be worse, like having to deal with whatever problem Julien had created which is what Rico was supposed to be doing, but he still felt resentful of the fact that he had to be here and Rico didn't.

A small voice in his head continued to remind him of Rico and Julien's history which only served further to annoy him and make his skin crawl. He had felt that way when the two were still in a relationship and had always chalked it up to jealousy that Rico had something he didn't. Now it seemed juvenile to feel that way and not because he was the one in a relationship and Rico wasn't. After all, Rico had lost so much in his life from his family to his first love and on more than one occasion nearly lost his life. For a moment his mind drifted to Rico showing just how much he trusted Kowalski, that Kowalski was permitted to get that close to him, permitted to touch the thick scar tissue across his chest. How much it took for Rico to let anyone be that close.

Kowalski shivered involuntarily recalling just how much he had trusted Rico in return- the only one who had been able to touch the scars on the back of his neck and along his spine. Had he always been able to let Rico in so easily? Had Rico always been able to stir a low burning fire inside him? The buzz of the phone in his pocket drew Kowalski out of those thoughts and his melancholy tinged mood shifted instantly, thinking that it had to be Doris. He tried not to feel disappointed when he saw it wasn't from Doris and let curiosity come front and center as he saw that it was Rico. He opened the text prepared to see Rico gloating about having an early night or getting to DJ at The Groove, but what he saw instead made his blood tun cold.

He stared down at the image of Rico sprawled across a violent splash of red, eyes closed, and far too pale, and felt something inside him break.

"Kowalski we have to go. Now. The collection was a red herring," Skipper's voice was a dull roar in his ear, barely registering as another text followed.

**_Should have kept a closer eye on what was valuable..._ **


	8. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will write a drabble within the Madagascar franchise(so tpom, ahkj are included) for whoever figures out the easter egg hidden in the phone number towards the end of the chapter.

"Do you think Rico will be okay?" Private asked quietly, startling Kowalski. They had been watching the door of the room Skipper had been called into nearly an hour ago with an uneasy silence.

"I don't know," Kowalski answered honestly. He had already feared the worst when they rushed into HQ and found Rico unresponsive. The only comfort they had was that it had been dry paint rather than fresh blood surrounding their fallen teammate. And yet that was such little comfort when Kowalski recalled how faint and thready Rico's pulse had been under his fingers. "But if anyone has a shot at pulling through it would be Rico."

Private nodded but they both knew Kowalski's words were an empty reassurance. They didn't know what had happened to leave Rico in an almost coma like state and CENTRAAL was still trying to get some type of answer for them. If anything that was the hardest part of waiting. If it had been one of the standard injuries at least one of them would have been allowed to sit in the room with Rico, but because none of them had been permitted to see him there was no way of knowing if Rico was still alive in the hours that had passed.

The door the room Skipper had entered swung open and he stepped out enough to wave the pair over to the room. He felt Private tense beside him before they stood and made a line straight towards the door. Despite never being one to have strong gut feelings, Kowalski felt his stomach drop and knew that it wasn't a good sign that they were headed into a private room. A part of his mind insisted that they had been too late, but he refused to let that part take over.

"Bloody hell."

Private's voice startled Kowalski out of his thoughts and he followed Private's tearful gaze to the large observation window.

"Rico…" Kowalski breathed his throat going tight as his vision blurred. The sight of Rico in a hospital bed was somehow worse than having seen him on the floor of his studio. He looked paler than before, washed out with dark circles under his eyes which were at least open. But they were glassy and distant, something Kowalski had learned was a sign that Rico was in pain. Without thinking Kowalski reached up and touched the glass as if he could will the barrier between them away. For a moment it seemed like Rico saw him, glassy eyes seeming to meet his, before flicking over to a door where a nurse entered.

Kowalski turned away from the window unable to watch as the nurse maneuvered around the various wires and IVs surrounding Rico in order to draw blood. "When are we going to be able to see him? Actually see him?"

"For now this is the best I could do," Skipper answered tensely,resisting the overwhelming urge to charge into the lab and put at least one of CENTRAALs best through a wall. "Depending on test results, Private might be able to see him in another hour or so. Kowalski, you'll have to wait to be cleared —"

"What do you mean I'll have to be cleared?"

"I have no say in the matter," Skipper had been equally outraged when they had told him that Kowalski had been barred from visiting Rico. "Believe me I argued against it but they said it's too much of a risk."

"But I don't understand why I would be a risk to Rico? If anything, I might be the only one who can do something about whatever is obviously wrong!"

"I know!" Skipper snapped. " Believe me I know, but they're worried that you're already too close to the problem."

"What exactly is the problem Skippa?" Private intervened sensing the growing tension and not wanting to risk getting thrown out for causing a disturbance.

"It's…" Skipper hesitated for a moment, "There's two reason. One is that they want to limit any exposure to him until they identify whatever concoction is in his blood and what it's doing to his body."

"What is it doing?" Kowalski heard himself ask as he turned back to the window. He winced as the nurse took another vial of blood, number 6 from the look of the other filled vials on the cart next to her.

"Earlier, when he was first coming around, he went into cardiac arrest…" Skipper's voice wavered for a moment, "and they lost him. For a full minute his heart stopped. They don't want to risk Rico having an extreme emotional reaction in case that is what triggered it."

It felt unreal to hear what Skipper was saying. The words are not quite registering in Kowalski's brain. _They lost him? His heart stopped?_ Beside him he heard Private make a choking sound like he was holding back sobs. Although it wasn't as if Kowalski wasn't holding back his own tears, the analytical part of him remained front and center. He could hold it together as long as there was a problem in front of him. Because a problem had to have a solution and finding a solution was what he was good at. "That still doesn't explain why I can't see him."

"And that's the second part of it. When Rico came around the second time they were able to get a name, two actually." Skipper fixed Kowalski with a cool glare and pulled on his commander persona anticipating the reaction that would follow. "First he said, Kowalski and then, Doris."

Kowalski felt the air leave his lungs as if he'd been punched. Surely, there had been a misunderstanding somewhere.

"But Kowalski was with us during the mission," Private verbalized what they all knew and why it was impossible to think that Kowalski would have anything to do with what happened to Rico. "Are they sure that Rico wasn't just asking for him?"

At this question Skipper sighed in defeat. "That's what my gut tells me, but whatever Rico was dosed with isn't like anything they've seen before and given some of Kowalski's work and inventions they can't eliminate it as a possibility."

"They think I used my girlfriend to try to kill one of my teammates?" Kowalski asked in disbelief, still trying to process everything Skipper had said.

"Or that she used you to try to kill one of us," Skipper replied, knowing that CENTRAAL would be able to confirm what he already suspected. He had known that something wasn't right when it came to Doris and regretted that he didn't listen to his gut sooner. He looked over into Rico's room and resisted the urge to shudder as the nurse gathered the blood samples and left. For a moment he wondered if Rico wouldn't look half as bad if they quit taking his blood for more testing.

Kowalski shook his head. It felt like he couldn't breathe and his mind was pulling at threads to make sense of what Skipper was saying. "I need to get some air."

He turned to leave, sparing one last look at Rico before he rushed to the lockers where their phones were being kept. It vaguely occurred to him that he hadn't heard from Doris since last night during the mission. She should have sent him a text or something that she had landed safely or was waiting out a delay. Maybe he had missed a call or text since turning in their phones, but there was a part of him that knew Rico wasn't one to outright lie and if he had in fact seen Doris that night there had to be some truth to it, but he wasn't about to buy into the idea that Doris had done this to Rico.

If he could get a hold of Doris the witch-hunt Skipper was on could be over and they could figure out who really had gone after Rico. They had no shortage of enemies as a team and he was sure Rico still had a few from his days in Chile and Guatemala. That of course brought a new fear to light- if Doris had in fact been at HQ when Rico was attacked then they may have taken her, mistaking her as someone close to Rico.

After retrieving his phone and making his way to one of the interior courtyards he pulled up his contacts and hoped that Doris was awake and not on a flight. His heart dropped as it rolled straight over to voicemail: _"You've been directed to an automated voice messaging system for 305-555-7446. Please leave a message after the tone."_

"Doris, when you get this message I need you to call me. Something happened last night, Rico's—" Kowalski choked on the next words and took a shaky breath. He couldn't worry about Rico, at least not at that moment. "Just call me and let me know you're okay."


	9. Chapter 8

Kowalski wasn't sure how many times he had tried calling or how long he spent outside willing Doris to call him back. It had occurred to him that if Doris had been there when the attack happened then surely whoever had been behind it would have taunted him in some way by now. It offered him some relief to think that Doris had left before the incident. If she had ever been there at all, it was possible that Rico was merely confused when he first came around.

"Kowalski?" Private's voice was soft with concern as he approached. "Mind if I sit here for a bit?"

"It's fine," Kowalski slipped his phone into his pocket and tried to push the lingering thoughts of Doris behind. “I’m just waiting for some type of response from Doris. How could they think she or I would do something to any of you? Why hasn’t anyone suggested that someone could have gone after her?” Heargued even though he knew and had run through all of the numerous logical reasons for Doris’s lack of response. 

"I’m sure that’s another avenue they’re looking into especially if you’ve haven’t been able to make contact with her. There’s any number of reasons that Rico could have brought up your names.”

“Well tell that to-”

Private cut Kowalski off quickly, “Skipper is angry and worried and looking for someone to blame other than himself. He was the one who gave Rico the order to stay behind and he’s going to follow whatever crumbs there are until he finds the trail of the person who did this. You know that’s how he works.” 

Kowalski huffed at the remark, he never had been able to buy 100% into the reasoning that Skipper showed concern with anger. “Even if that’s the case, I’m still trying to wrap my head around being a suspect and around Doris being a suspect. And Rico…" Kowalski's heart clenched in his chest as he stopped himself from saying something he would most certainly regret.

"I really don't think you're someone that they’re considering. They are just working with the information they have. I’m sure you’re going to be cleared to see him. After all, it could have been any of us or all of us if it hadn’t been for that gallery stint."

"Do they have any ideas?” 

Private shook his head, "No. Or at least they’re not telling us yet.” Private's phone went off. “Oh, it's Skipper. They need to brief us. Hopefully that means we have some answers.”

Just as Kowalski stood to follow Private he felt his own phone start to vibrate, he pulled it out of his pocket and felt a rush of relief at seeing Doris’s name come across the screen. “You go ahead, I’ll be there in a few.” 

“Try to make it quick. I’m not sure if they’ll start the briefing without you.” 

Kowalski answered the phone the second Private’s back turned, “Doris?”

_ “I’m sorry I missed your calls, I’ve only just gotten settled in enough to check my phone. What’s going on? _ ”

“You have no idea how happy I am to hear your voice. Someone broke into HQ while we were at the gallery and…”Kowalski laughed, verging into hysterics. “Rico was attacked.”

“ _ Oh my god, is he okay? Are you?”  _ There was clear panic and concern in Doris’s voice.

“I honestly don’t know. We haven’t been told much, but I have a briefing to go to in a few minutes so hopefully we’ll find out more. But I’m just so relieved to hear you.” 

Doris laughed lightly on her line sounding calmer than before even if a bit bewildered,  _ “Sweetheart, it's only been a few hours since we last talked.” _

“I know, but I was so worried that something had happened to you.”

“ _ Why...oh, I’m guessing you got my little present then? _ ”

“Present?”

_ “You’ll think I’m crazy for doing this, but I stopped by HQ while you were at the gallery. I just wanted to surprise you with a little something, a memento to remind you of me while I’m away.” _

“That’s really sweet, but I didn’t get it. Our whole place is currently under investigation, I’m still in my suit believe it or not.” All the stress that Kowalski felt vanished as the pieces started to fall into place. 

_ “Hopefully you can be back home sooner rather than later. You’ll know what it is when you see it and if you’re still not sure you can ask Rico. I really hope he’s okay, even if he doesn’t seem to like me much, he’s one of the few people who recognize how brilliant you really are. Now I thought you said you had a briefing you needed to go to?” _

_ “ _ Right,” Kowalski replied with some reluctance, “I’ll keep you updated if I can. Stay safe, I love you.”

_ “I love you too.” _

Kowalski ventured back into the building feeling lighter than before. He had just made it back to the waiting area outside of Rico’s room when Private stuck his head out of a room and waved him over. 

Kowalski couldn't help but smile as he stepped into the room and saw Rico's face light up. He looked better than before, dressed in loose sweatpants and a plain tee, sitting up. A notepad and pencil lay on the table beside him and Kowalski imagined that Rico had been sketching between various tests and periods of isolation. For a moment Kowalski could believe this was any post-mission incident and Rico was waiting to be discharged. But he was still too pale and the dark circles under his eyes made his face look gaunt. He hovered next to the bed, unsure of what to do or say, but Rico rolled his eyes and pulled in down into a bone crushing hug. 

The tell-tale pin prick of heat behind his eyelids was the only warning Kowalski had before he found himself crying into Rico's other shoulder. He wasn’t sure if it was the delayed relief of knowing that Doris was safe and free of any blame or the simple reassurance that Rico was alive. 

After several minutes, Kowalski gained some resemblance of control and removed himself from Rico, wiping his eyes. “It’s good to see you.”

Before Rico could respond the door swung open and Skipper stormed into the room with a file in hand. He went straight for Kowalski and shoved the file into his chest hard enough to make the taller man stumble. “Congratulations, Lieutenant, you’ve been sleeping with the enemy.” 

"Sleeping with the enemy?" Kowalski sputtered, face flushing with embarrassment and anger. He fumbled with the file for a moment and felt his heart drop when he spotted the name and printed on the tab. 

DELPHINI, DORIS 

“I just talked to her, she was jet lagged from her flight,” Kowalski started to argue, unable to bring himself to open the file. He had just talked to her and all of the pieces fit, she had been at HQ to leave him a present. It explained why Rico had given her name, he had seen her prior to the attack. Beyond that he was having a hard time imagining Doris's petite 100lb frame being able to do anything to the 280lb wall of muscle that Rico was.

Skipper was unmoved,"She never got on her flight. Now she's MIA while I have a member of my team that's a dead man walking if we can't get the answers we need."


	10. Chapter 9

Kowalski froze and looked over at Rico, who quickly looked away and began to fidget with the band on his wrist. "What do you mean dead man walking?"

"What's going on Skipper?" Private asked, concern clear in his voice.

"Results came back and I'm not going to lie, boys, it's not good." Skipper explained, the usual bark gone from his voice. "Both of you can read the reports for yourselves, but it's an on-going investigation and the eggheads in the lab are still trying to figure out a solution now that there's some idea of what is going on."

"Skipper, what's going on?" Kowalski echoed Private’s earlier question, now noting the faint redness around Skipper's eyes as if he had been crying earlier. He watched Skipper look to Rico almost helplessly, lips parting slightly before closing again. A sense of dread began to steadily build in his stomach. 

"I'm dying,” Rico said after another moment of silence. His voice oddly soft and calm considering the words that had left his mouth.

"Dying?" The previous anger that Kowalski had felt drained out of him and was replaced by confusion and disbelief. Surely he had misheard something, but somewhere behind him, he heard a soft choked sound come from Private. 

Rico shrugged and uttered, "heart failure."

Kowalski felt cold as he turned the two words over in his mind, but he couldn’t bring himself to find his voice. All too clearly recalling the earlier conversation with Skipper over Rico needing to be revived after his heart had stopped.

Fortunately, Private had found his voice and it was full of hurt and anger. “That doesn’t make any sense! And if it's heart failure then why can't they treat it as such?"

"That was my first question, but what we’re dealing with is behaving like heart failure without actually being heart failure," Skipper explained. “They found nanites in Rico's blood, but they are nothing like anything that the labs have seen." 

Kowalski swallowed thickly, recalling how he had dabbled in that type of technology before which certainly explained why they hadn't approved him as a visitor.

"They must have some type of treatment in mind though," Private insisted.

"There's nothing. And they've considered everything, based on the information at hand. Introducing any traditional medications or treatment procedures would risk damaging his heart permanently. Blood transfusions are out since the nanites have embedded themselves into the heart muscle and tissue surrounding the heart. An EMP can't be considered as a means to disable and eliminate them because they have a security trigger that would result in the instant death of the host. In fact, as far as they can tell whoever made these didn't intend the 'host' to live longer than a couple of months."

Kowalski's head snapped over to Skipper and he stared in horror and disbelief, "Months? Heart failure can take years." 

"Whatever is in those nanites is constricting the arteries surrounding the heart far more effectively than a lifetime of eating double-bacon cheeseburgers every-day could. Things are stable for now, but they are planning on running more tests in a few hours to determine how quickly the condition will or can progress. As I said, things aren't looking good at the moment and our only lead is nowhere to be found." 

Kowalski looked down at the file in his hands, torn by the onslaught of information because it didn't make sense. “What could Doris possibly have to do with this? I just talked to her and I know she was there, she told me-” He looked at Rico, “She said she was there to drop off a gift for me, that you talked to her, she wasn’t lying about that was she?” 

"No," Rico winced as the word seemed to get stuck in his throat and his chest tightened. 

Private reached out and placed a hand on Rico’s shoulder hoping to offer the man some comfort. He cast an alarmed look at Skipper when Rico flinched at the touch, “Rico, what happened last night?” 

Rico shook his head, “don’t remember.”

“Just because she was there doesn’t mean she had anything to do with this.” Kowalski found himself arguing. There had been nothing during his conversation with Doris that indicated she knew more about the incident or that she was guilty of some terrible act. None of Doris’s research had anything to do with nanites, let alone applying them to human biology. “I mean, what motivation could Doris possibly have for doing anything like this?”

“Why don’t you crack that file open and find out? Or should I just save you the time?” Skipper practically snarled. “Turns out Blowhole had a sister. Step-sister technically, but a sister nevertheless. CENTRAAL never made the connection because Blowhole did everything to keep her a secret. Guess he didn’t want his status as a domestic terrorist to ruin her chances of having a decent life.” 

“No, this can’t be right,” Kowalski opened the folder and was met with pictures and copies of various documents including one that detailed a Francis Tursiops gaining guardianship of his step-sister Doris Delphini after their parents died in an accident. He felt sick as he recalled her explaining that her brother had died while fiddling with the small dolphin pendant she always wore, it seemed like such an insignificant detail at the time, but now it seemed so painfully obvious. “There must be a misunderstanding somewhere. Even if Blowhole was the connection, how would she know that Rico was the one who killed him? Or that we had anything to do with her brother? I-We’ve known about her for years.”

For a moment Skipper looked defeated, exhausted really as if he had heard and run through the same argument before. “I’ll agree that currently, we can’t verify that she was there beyond Rico’s statement or how much she knew about her brother and how often our paths crossed. They keep hitting dead ends. Rico’s phone didn't have any prints and our security system was down so there's no footage. But the fact that she’s MIA doesn’t look good and her involvement still doesn’t sit right with me.” 

Kowalski felt a sharp sting of guilt in his chest knowing full well why the cameras were down although he could have sworn that he had reconnected everything after he got back in a few nights prior. 

"So what are we supposed to do?" Private asked softly.

“Right now, nothing,” Skipper sighed, “we’re too close to the issue and there’s not enough to act on. Some of the higher-ups are chomping at the bit for someone to take the blame for one of their ‘assets’ getting damaged.” The disgust did not go unnoticed. “ Believe me it took everything to keep Kowalski from getting court-martialed today, not to mention myself. ”

Kowalski wilted under Skipper’s glare, but there was no mistaking the tone in Skipper’s voice and the way Skipper quickly glanced down at the folder before turning his attention back to the rest of the team.

“We’re really not going to just sit around are we?” 

Kowalski understood Private’s sentiment, but he wasn’t sure if he could bring himself to do anything with all the information that was buzzing around his head. He felt sick and it was like his head was going to explode.

Skipper scrubbed his hands over his face. “My hands are tied and it's been a long-ass day. All we can do is get out of these suits, get some rest, and see what they have to say tomorrow. Rico, are you good, or do you want one of us to hang around for a bit?” 

Rico gave Skipper a thumbs up and uttered a soft, “‘m good. Gonna sleep.”

“We’ll be back tomorrow and we’re staying off base so it won’t take us long to get here in case you need us before then. Let’s go, boys.” 


	11. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, angst my old friend....

The journey to the hotel had been painfully silent for the most part. Even when they arrived and entered the suite to find Marlene there waiting anxiously, few words were uttered.

Kowalski moved mechanically through stripping, showering, and dressing, processing while not really processing the events of the last few hours. And the file that bore Doris's name continued to taunt him from where it sat on the end table next to the bed he was currently sitting on. He had considered calling Doris again but feared that there wouldn't be an answer for entirely different reasons than before. It was hard to shake the fact that she hadn't gotten on her flight like she was supposed to and that was something he had yet to find a way of justifying. He looked at the file again with deep disdain but ultimately knew that the information inside wasn't only about Doris.

Skipper had wanted him to see something in that file, see if there was something that could give them a better answer for Rico. Still, he refused to believe, let alone think that Doris would be capable of something so horrific, regardless of her connection to Blowhole.

There was a soft knock on his door, followed by Private's soft voice, "K'walski, we ordered room service. It'll be here in about 30 minutes if you want to join us."

"Thanks, I'll join everyone in a bit," Kowalski called back and internally winced at the unnecessary thought that it wasn't everyone out in the living area of the suite. And that was the hardest fact to swallow, that Rico was trapped in the medical wing on base with an expiration date practically stamped across his arm. Rico was dying- Rico had nearly died earlier that night and had been given a few weeks at most to live. Kowalski's heart clenched painfully thinking about how closely he probably had come to getting court-martialed. How could anyone think that he'd turn against one of his teammates? Especially Rico. How often had it been joked that Rico and Kowalski were Manfredi and Johnston 2.0? How often had they jumped in front of danger to protect the other? Except this time it really did seem like Kowalski had led Rico to danger instead. Kowalski desperately hoped that Rico didn't believe that he'd ever knowingly put him in danger or had anything to do with the nanites.

He reached for the file and opened it doing his best to ignore the information on Doris. There wasn't anything in the file that he hadn't known. Doris had been entirely truthful, only leaving out who her brother actually was which made Kowalski believe that Doris hadn't known about the connection his team had to Francis. Not that it made the situation any less painful.

Finally Kowalski found what he had suspected he would find. Skipper had slipped a copy of the report on the nanites found in Rico's blood between Doris's college transcripts. He began to skim the document for anything that could be the potential thread that would unravel the damage being inflicted on Rico's system.

Invasive tissue forming over the surface of the heart- it is believed the tissue is created by the nanites bonding to the heart muscle

Emotional duress potentially accelerates invasive tissue growth

-subject feels significantly fatigued and experiences sharp chest pains when under emotional duress

Invasive tissue estimated to spread over several weeks

Drops fell onto the pages and it took Kowalski a moment to realize that he was crying. The information presented on the page was far worse than what was said in the medical wing.

"Hey, how are you holding- oh. Kowalski, " Marlene's voice went soft and she hesitated at the door, heartbreaking at the sight before her. She crossed the room and took the file from his hands, she hardly needed to glance at it to know that it was related to Rico. And part of her could kick Skipper's ass for giving the file to Kowalski even if he was their best shot at finding a solution.

"Sorry, it shouldn't be this hard," Kowalski wiped his face embarrassed that Marlene had found him crying.

"Why shouldn't it? You're human and your best friend is hurt," Marlene softly scolded, but knew she was making the understatement of the century. "No one would be able to separate themselves from this type of situation and you're connected to this far more than is ideal."

"I know," Kowalski looked at the file in Marlene's hands. "And in my heart, I know that Doris wouldn't do something like this. She probably never knew that there was bad blood between her brother and us. She probably had no idea what her brother actually did. But I also know now that she lied to me today so maybe she did know."

Marlene hummed in thought, "I know you don't have a lot of experience when it comes to relationships, but sometimes people lie because they don't want to hurt the person they love and that can include lying by omission. If you really think that she didn't have a part to play in this, then she could just be scared about what happened."

"I suppose you're right and there's nothing I can do about that now. I can only focus on what is in front of me and right now that's Rico," Kowalski internally winced as his voice wavered.

"Actually what you should focus on now is getting something to eat and getting a decent night of sleep. Maybe tomorrow there will be some good news."

Kowalski shook his head. "I doubt it. It's far worse than I realized. I'm not sure if we'll find a solution in time or if Rico is going to be able to fight long enough for us to find a solution."

This time it was Marlene who shook her head and let out a soft humourless chuckle. She reached over and put a hand over Kowalski's as she shared the one thing she was sure of in all that was happening. "Rico loves you too much to give up. Now how about we go get something to eat before Skipper starts thinking that we ran away together?" She joked and was relieved to get a small smile in return.

"Food does sound amazing," Kowalski remarked, trying to remember what or rather if he had eaten anything since they had arrived at the gallery. "I'm pretty sure I haven't-" a chirp from his phone cut him off. He leaned over and grabbed his phone off the nightstand. I couldn't wait for you to find out what your present was. "Sorry, it's from Doris. You go ahead, I'll be out in a bit. I promise."

"I'm going to hold you to that," Marlene lightly threatened, taking the file with her.

That fact didn't go unnoticed by Kowalski, but he supposed that Marlene was right. He was overtired and hadn't eaten and wasn't in any shape to help anyone including himself in navigating the tangle of emotions smothering him. For a moment, he debated on responding to Doris at all, but then he noticed that there was a video attached.

He opened it and after taking a moment to load he was treated to a shaky shot of a figure haphazardly prompted against a plastic covered wall. The sight made his heart drop into his stomach recognizing the room instantly as Rico's studio space and he knew who the figure was long before the camera found its focus after being set on a solid surface.

"Do you like my little device? Almost full body paralysis in under 10 seconds." A familiar voice purred as a figure began to walk into the frame. "You can still breathe and blink, but other than twitching a few toes or fingers you can't move."

Kowalski watched as if detached from his body as it registered that the figure was Doris. She kneeled down next to Rico so that both of them could be clearly seen on camera. She caressed his face almost lovingly and ran a thumb down the scar that cut across his cheek and lips. "I didn't get the appeal before, but now…" she ran her thumb across Rico's lower lip, "the things I could do to you."

After caressing his lip, the hand slid down his neck and splayed across the center of his chest. "The things I want to do to you," her hand continued its path down his abdomen. Even at a distance it was clear Rico's breathing was starting to quicken as her fingers skimmed under the hem of his shirt and hooked the waistband of his jeans. She thumbed the button of Rico's jeans as if to undo it and Kowalski felt sick.

"Then again," the hand moved suddenly and the hem of his shirt was violently pulled up to reveal the 'Y' shaped scar hidden underneath, " you're damaged goods."

For a brief moment relief washed through Kowalski, but it didn't last as he recalled Rico's feelings on the scar and what it meant to touch such a vulnerable part of the man. The pure fear in Rico's eyes said everything as he watched Doris use her other hand to trace the scar, the act was clinical rather than sensual compared to the other touches. Doris spoke again, her nails pressed into the scar ,"I can't even begin to imagine how much scar tissue I'd have to work around. Or if I'd have to put you back together before I could do anything worthwhile."

Confusion filtered through Rico's eyes and the woman laughed and pulled the shirt back down. "Oh, I read all about how everything isn't quite where it's supposed to be and how it catches a lot of people off guard when they go for vital organs. Certainly explains how you've survived the things that should have killed you, but that's not the only thing is it?"

Dori leaned closer so that her lips barely brushed Rico's ear. There was a hushed whisper, not loud enough to make out what was being said. Kowalski could only imagine what had been said as he watched the emotions flirt across Rico's face: anger, shame, and finally betrayal.

As she pulled away, she glanced at the camera and pulled a syringe from the coat she was wearing. "Not many people know this, but there is a neurotoxin that when injected into the bloodstream can stop a heart instantly?" Doris removed the cap of the syringe and set it beside her as she turned one of Rico's arms over exposing the veins that sat close to the surface of his elbow and wrist. He held his arm in one hand and grabbed the syringe again with the other. "Now this isn't the same neurotoxin, but it that one was certainly an inspiration for what I created. Of course, I wouldn't have been able to finish it without a little help," she looked back at the camera for a moment, "thanks Kowalski." Then with practiced precision the needle slid into the vein she located in the crook of his elbow and then she pressed the plunger sending the unknown liquid into Rico's bloodstream.

Kowalski swallowed thickly as he watched Rico's fingers twitch uselessly. After a moment, they stilled and he watched Rico's eyes close, body going far to still, even with temporary paralysis.

On camera, Doris capped the syringe and gave one last look at Rico before approaching the camera. For a moment he thought that she was going to say something, but instead, the video ended abruptly.

He looked at the screen for a moment before shutting his phone off and slipping it into his pocket, knowing that he couldn't share the video without compromising himself. Even if he hadn't had a direct hand in what Doris had created he was still at fault for the situation that Rico was in now.

The next morning Kowalski was a bundle of nerves as they approached Rico's room. "I don't know if I can see him," Kowalski admitted softly and was glad that Skipper had been called to meet with Alice upon arriving leaving the pair on their own.

"What? Why?" Private stopped one hand on the door lever, confused by the admission.

Kowalski hesitated for a moment, knowing he would have to tread carefully. "I just wish that there was something more that I could do."

"You'll figure something out, Kowalski. You always do." Private reassured him and opened the door without further discussion forcing Kowalski to enter first.

Like the night before Rico was sitting up in bed dressed in sweats with a notepad in hand scribbling away. And just like before Rico practically lit up upon seeing him, but this time Kowalski couldn't shake seeing the pure betrayal he had seen Rico's eyes in the video.

"I'd ask how you're feeling," Kowalski started as he approached Rico's bedside with Private only a few steps behind, "but after reading your file I can't imagine you're anywhere close to okay."

Rico snorted at the remark and shrugged as if having heart failure wasn't a cause for alarm.

"Blimey, I think I'm going to need a minute to get a hold of myself. Sorry, Rico, I just need to pop out for a bit."

"He didn't start reciting poetry, so I'd say that is progress." Kowalski couldn't help but joke as the door shut behind Private.

"There's time," Rico replied softly, looking away for a moment as if he couldn't bring himself to meet Kowalski's eyes.

Kowalski frowned at the behavior and couldn't help but wonder if Rico recalled more about what happened than he was letting on.

"You okay?"

Shame washed over Kowalski yet again at Rico's question as it pulled it from his thoughts. He should be the one worrying about Rico, not the other way around.

"I-" Kowalski stopped for a moment to consider his answer. It would be easy to lie, but Rico would see right through it and he was very much not okay with trying to make sense of everything that had happened. "I'm not okay. In less than 24 hours you're dying and I have no idea how to fix it or if I can. And it's all my fault."

For a moment Rico just stared at him with wide eyes before his expression shifted into something more neutral or was it more guarded. He reached out and took Kowalski's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze of reassurance. "It's not."

"I wish I could believe that," Kowalski swallowed thickly, hoping he could hold it together just a bit longer, just long enough for Private to get back so he could excuse himself. "I really wish I could."

Rico's lips parted, but before the man could reply the door opened as Private returned with Skipper in tow, the man looking far from pleased.

"Your meeting wasn't any good news, was it?"

"Depends on what you want to consider good news. They decided to clear Rico to leave, but that's because there is nothing else that they can do at this point. And Kowalski's girlfriend seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth entirely except for a video that came in this morning," Skipper paused trying to figure out how to explain the worst news yet to come. "She's willing to make a trade. One of her brother's projects for the antidote."

Private frowned when the somber mood continued. "CENTRAAL isn't going to make the trade are they?"

"No," Skipper looked at Kowalski, eyes dark and brimming with anger. "Alice told me that the higher-ups would rather lose an asset than give up Project Collar."

Kowalski inhaled sharply at the name and was grateful that Rico had yet to let go of his hand, it seemed to be the only thing grounding him at the moment. "I thought anything on Project Collar was destroyed."

"Not everything, there's enough that someone like Doris could piece it back together, especially if she has any notes from Blowhole that we didn't know about."

"So what do they expect us to do?"

"Nothing. In fact, Alice told me that we're benched for the foreseeable future. In her exact words, she told me to take Rico home, make sure he's comfortable, and hope that the lab team will crack something sooner rather than later."

"Wot? That's ridiculous!"

Kowalski merely looked at Rico as Private expressed enough anger for both of them. He was expecting Rico to appear outraged or heartbroken, instead, he only smiled softly and huffed a small humorless laugh. And Kowalski had to remind himself that reacting would only worsen Rico's condition faster.

"I don't like it any more than you do, but this isn't the time or place to fight them on it. Let's just get Rico home first. Marlene's going to check us out and be here to pick us up in the next hour or so."


End file.
